sarcasm needs its own font
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
