i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
