I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
