he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Blood and glitter go together right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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