His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
