All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
