Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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