when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
