grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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