We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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