do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
