I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
