I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
