you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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