See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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