I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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