Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
