just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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