OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
