i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
