There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
