I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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