let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
