oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
