I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
