I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
