so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
