GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
