Just fell off a train. Bad.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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