I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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