Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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