I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
