In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
