Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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