whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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