my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
