can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
