The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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