Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
