Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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