Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
