Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
