omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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