No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if only i could text you this smell
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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