I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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