and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
