she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
