Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
