This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
