thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
