just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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