whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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