how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
