I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
