im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
