I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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