my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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