I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
