My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
