Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.

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(914): View more from New York

Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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(518): View more from New York

I want a grilled cheese and an IV

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(408): View more from California

I miss the smell of you or some shit.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes

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(415): View more from California

Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.

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