thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
