i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
