before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
