Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
